# use

craving total transformation,  
identity a disposed wrapper.  
becoming a vessel for want,  
glass poured into, overfilled.

you haven’t been here lately.  
something in our combining  
always begins this reaction:  
photochemical excited state

learning how to spark again —  
days ago: gel, pumps, bulbs,  
rattling pill bottles and nerves,  
black gloves, gold foil, silicone.

it’s warmed up enough already.  
don’t ask or guess — just _know_.  
take a part you claim as yours,  
shape it to your pleasure. use.

time stutters; the gears grind  
forward under prying pressure.  
repairing hidden mechanisms,  
counting every beat yourself.

disappearing deconstruction:  
ripped apart by heat and light,  
shredded into a thousand tiny  
pieces of steel. shrapnel blast.

there is stillness in oblivion,  
peace made in the darkness.  
clenched fists, soaked linen.  
i swear. i won’t move. i can’t.

## poem details

- [color](https://chromato.graphics/colors): [Violet C](https://www.pantone.com/connect/Violet-C)
- felt: 2025-10-26
- wrote: 2025-11-21
- posted: 2025-11-20
- [tags](https://chromato.graphics/tags): [#black](https://chromato.graphics/tags/black)  [#control](https://chromato.graphics/tags/control)  [#dark](https://chromato.graphics/tags/dark)  [#drinks](https://chromato.graphics/tags/drinks)  [#excitement](https://chromato.graphics/tags/excitement)  [#fire](https://chromato.graphics/tags/fire)  [#gears](https://chromato.graphics/tags/gears)  [#glass](https://chromato.graphics/tags/glass)  [#gold](https://chromato.graphics/tags/gold)  [#hands](https://chromato.graphics/tags/hands)  [#heat](https://chromato.graphics/tags/heat)  [#identity](https://chromato.graphics/tags/identity)  [#lights](https://chromato.graphics/tags/lights)  [#linen](https://chromato.graphics/tags/linen)  [#love](https://chromato.graphics/tags/love)  [#medicine](https://chromato.graphics/tags/medicine)  [#metal](https://chromato.graphics/tags/metal)  [#peace](https://chromato.graphics/tags/peace)  [#photography](https://chromato.graphics/tags/photography)  [#pills](https://chromato.graphics/tags/pills)  [#pleasure](https://chromato.graphics/tags/pleasure)  [#reactions](https://chromato.graphics/tags/reactions)  [#repair](https://chromato.graphics/tags/repair)  [#sex](https://chromato.graphics/tags/sex)  [#sparks](https://chromato.graphics/tags/sparks)  [#steel](https://chromato.graphics/tags/steel)  [#time](https://chromato.graphics/tags/time)  [#transformation](https://chromato.graphics/tags/transformation)  [#want](https://chromato.graphics/tags/want)  [#💛](https://chromato.graphics/tags/%F0%9F%92%9B)