5 poems
door in our place i never open out of fear and too much want touch the knobāāāi am shocked
sounds like a party in there but where is my invitation? missing out doesnāt scare me
sometimes, itās open a crack scents from the kitchen waft my favorite dish on the menu
i give up. nothing better to do splayed on gray wool, rubbing nothing matches their rhythm
the guests tire, it swings open streamers and confetti spilling must be my job to clean āem up
half decade wishes: a leveling out. forbidden kisses the right choice, no doubt
central park consult king cole martini review old results discard bikinis
photograph the curves archives in high gloss the things i preserve, theyāll surely just toss
day before phone calls rage at the system its stops, starts, & stalls need to assist him
sleep, holding a heart cleanse every surface wrong name on the chart of course you deserve this
wave as the doors close donāt use the ābā word eat eggs as you doze the artwork looks blurred
a husbandās phone rings let me inside there treat you like a king hold cups as your care
bumpy ride that night late rooftop phone call two beams of bright light never forget fall
a week goes by fast managing your pain see yourself at last straight scars and no drain
i cry more than you do it hits me deeply this thing that you choose didnāt come cheaply
a body transformed like overnight oats years since your plans formed iāll keep taking notes
random chance meeting sweater that shimmers parties are fleeting your glances glimmer
post selfies in slack our dms vanish a coffee date ask making a plan-ish?
calls about lost work texts about gender watching your lilā smirk my heart grows tender
shopping for red skirts sharing a small lunch enjoying my quirks iām having a hunchā¦
flirting a little to see if it sticks too noncommittal? or does it just click
late night at a show we let our legs brush at the bar i chose you admit your crush
a ride to your place the tension growing sharing a small space finally knowing
nervously waiting for you to arrive fuck, now weāre dating. we instantly vibe
i read that things used to be different for us. that we used to hide behind heavy coats, from ourselves. i read that weād get compared to cigarettes on the street in broad daylight just for walking the wrong way. things are different for us now. not because we are the majority, but because we are not, and we know that. our difference is our value.
things changed because seasons did. the old trees that once ruled the forest have fallen, been subsumed into the soil. things changed because our elders fought for us and their enemies dwindled. life is no less complicated here and now. it may be more so. but that complexity, that intricacy, that is part of what makes this worth it.
i went on a date yesterday. they had two faces and three names. his lips felt like safety and possibility and becoming. we didnāt need to connect our brains with wires to see. we spoke the same language, we knew the same songs. our bodies united like an antique lock and key, lubricated with the oil of our passion. i want more. no, i need it.
all my friends are trans. i broke up with the ones who werenāt.
they understood.
change is good. the people that donāt get that will never get us. not all change is for the better, but the potential for growth and for flourishing is all we have. the possibility that tomorrow will be a new day with new rules. and that weāll be here for each other when it arrives. that weāll nurture the seeds and each other. that we can.
heās wanted one, i think, a while still growing his, it takes its time i wonder: why not just use mine?
our parts are modular by design theyāre aftermarket optimized hot-swappable and still divine
then iām above and heās below press into him, extend a loan tell him: touch, like itās your own
he strokes it like a precious gift he must be worried, heāll miss it the gratitude vibrates his wrist
he shakes as need remaps the mind and both our systems intertwine we once mistake his flesh for mine
i ask him softly if it was good he nods like i rewound the world we had made what no one could